Thursday, January 24, 2013

The New Errantist Bible

I don't know if you've heard, but a new Bible is coming out entitled The New Errantist Version, published by Thomas Nelson, the leading publisher of anything that makes money at the cost of other people's souls.

In the tradition of the Jefferson Bible, the NEV will be a much shorter read. It will consist only of what neo-errantists consider to be accurately reflecting what God would have us believe and do. Hence, the Old Testament consists of a few Psalms (none of those harsh ones of course), the Song of Songs (because errantists like what it says about sex if taken overly literally--the only text errantists actually make sure they take literally), and Ecclesiastes (because it's as pessimistic and skeptical as the errantist is), with the exception of the last chapter that describes God as bringing everyone into judgment and rewarding each according to his works.

The New Testament will consist of the Beatitudes (not the rest of that horrible Sermon on the Mount that describes so much hellish judgment), John 3:16, 1 Corinthians 13, and Galatians 3:28.

Finally a Bible we can all read in one sitting.

Books, passages, and verses that indicate that God cares about the sexual conduct of human beings, is painted as harsh or wrathful and will punish in hell, that present an order to genders, are Calvinistic, and that just seem plain judgmental or describe God, Jesus, or the gospel in ways that don't accord with modern sensibilities will be removed. These books and texts include Genesis through Revelation with the noted exceptions above.

So get a copy, kick off your Sunday shoes, and sit down for about 15 minutes to read through the whole thing. The NEV is here to be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path, as long as your feet are not going very far and you don't mind taking the road off a cliff.

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