Fathers, Manage But Don't Micro-Manage Your Children

 The instructions to fathers to their children show their obligations to their children that our modern society often completely neglects. 

It seems clear that fathers have the obligation to discipline their children, even to the point of excommunicating them from the household and their lives. We've already looked at the passage in Deuteronomy but Paul makes the parallel argument for anyone wishing to be an elder. He must be above reproach in the area of how he handled his children, both in discipline so that they are not free to go their own ways and become involved in wicked behaviors like sexual immorality and a frat boy lifestyle, but also in a way that is non-abusive so as to lead to the despair of the children. 

1 Timothy 3:4-5 states:

He must manage his own household well and keep his children in control without losing his dignity. But if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for the church of God?

Likewise, Titus 1:6 states that he was to discipline his children in such a way so that are faithful to his conduct of life and can't be accused of any rebellion toward him or participation in debauchery. However, on the other hand, he is to do this in a way that is attainable and not exhausting or abusive toward the children.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but raise them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:4)

Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they will not become disheartened. (Col 3:21)

No one should read these texts as saying, "Hey, fathers, don't make your kids mad." That's not the point. The idea here is of a micro-managing father who sets the bar so high that his children cannot obtain it and become disheartened. 

Children desire to please their parents but if it becomes impossible they lose the will to do so and rebellion soon sets in. Likewise, an undisciplined child does whatever he wishes and rebellion becomes the status quo. In both of these scenarios, the micro-managing father who places too much upon his children so that they cannot obtain the prize of pleasing him and the father who places very little to no boundaries on his children, are wicked fathers, as both push their children into the stumblingblock of sin and rebellion.

Fathers must guard their children from partaking in any sins that God lays out, but not so in a way that increases the amount of hoops they must jump through in order to receive praise from their fathers that they lose their desire to become faithful since it is an impossibility that cannot be accomplished.

Fathers who do so do not represent the Lord either way. They represent their own lordship and display a fleshly understanding of their paternal governing role, and as such should not be elders of the church as the text states above since they would govern the church in one of these two diabolical ways (licentious or overbearing).

The micro-manager evidences a lack of faith in the Lord and places himself in the position of Christ, not as an emissary but as though he were the Lord Himself, lording it over others for his own personal benefit of creating the world as he wishes it to be, and the licentious father does the same and shows his true sinful character through his children. The truth is that a man with licentious children has been a man in rebellion against God himself. His children merely reflect him. 

Paul indicates that these types of fathers are immature at best and not Christians at all at worst. The new man that works to become the image of God in Christ must become a good father who both disciplines and educates his children in a way that does not exasperate them nor in a way so as to let them remain in rebellion against God. He is to teach them the Word of God, discipline them when they rebel, and be an example to them as one who has committed his life to Christ. He should save up for his children to leave them an inheritance but if he is poor, he is to leave them an inheritance that cannot be bought by gold and silver. This is the obligation of the man of God to his children.