Honor Thy Spiritual Mothers

 In a similar fashion to that of spiritual fathers in the church, spiritual mothers are to be honored as well, and I would then also make the parallel to biological mothers as I did between the two kinds of fathers.

In 1 Tim 5:1-16 states:

Do not rebuke an elder harshly but exhort him as a father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need.  But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds. As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan. If any woman who is a believer has widows in her care, she should continue to help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need.

 This passage essentially argues that older women are to be honored as mothers, and that when they can no longer be supported by a husband as widows and their children cannot or will not support them, they are to be financially honored and supported by the church. Notice that younger widows of marrying age are not in the same category. Women who also have grown old but have not acted as mothers through the example of their good deeds toward the children of the church, brothers and sisters, in terms of the things listed by Paul here are not given that same title of mother and honor is not obligated.

The same condemnations occur when one does not honor his mother as representing his father in Scripture. This is how the older woman in the church is a mother. She displays the teaching of the fathers in her conduct. Hence, she is a teacher of the family through wisdom and conduct as the father is a teacher through both conduct and wisdom, albeit in a different role since she is not in a role of authority. However, this does not mean that she is not in a role of honor, so we see here that she is in a role of honor as a mother without her own authority, but rather by subjecting herself to the authority of the fathers in her obedience/submission to the elders, she carries with her the honor of the fathers.  

Hence, to disregard her, mock her, treat her as lesser, ignore her financial needs, etc. is damnable. This is why the obligation to the widow is a display of true religion in the Bible. To honor her is to honor God who is represented by the old mother who represents the father who has passed away.

With that in mind, read again the post concerning honoring the mother in the household. It will be enlightening and perhaps give a better understanding of how the women who meet this description ought to be treated.

Likewise, this passage talks about women who have not represented the fathers but rather have divorced themselves from their teaching in their conduct and disobedience even though they still hang around the church. These women are not mothers and ultimately should be put out of the church (i.e., the opposite treatment of those who actually represent the fathers/elders of the church). 

Honor Thy Spiritual Fathers

Since the church is a family, the right view of elders is important within that context. If an elder is an employee then he can be hired and fired. If he is a father, he will always be honored as one, whether he has the ability to continue to work into his old age, or through illness, or not. 

But beyond this, if it is really true that the elder is a father then all of the commands that are given to honor the father apply to the elder. So I want to go over these commands concerning fathers again but encourage you to read them within this mindset.

Let's first look at the fact that they are fathers though.

The very command to honor one's father, and Christ's interpretation of this in Matt 15 that it includes financial support is used by Paul in 1 Tim 5:17 when he uses the word "honor" instead of just referring to it as wages or compensation, which he brings up in another analogy in v, 18, letting us know that this is financial, not just some general honor.

In fact, the chapter starts out by saying, Do not rebuke an elder harshly, but exhort him as a father (5:1). Whereas some translations translate this "as if he was your father," the text actually states "as father." Likewise, what is translated as "old man" is just the word for "elder," and given the context it is likely talking primarily, even if not exclusively, about elders. If one is inclined to see the word as old men in general then it still does not detract from the point since what would be true of old men in the family in general would certainly be true of the official "old men" in the community who are in leadership.

Hebrews 13:17 states, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they watch over your souls as those who must give an account."

If we remember that the church is a household, a family, then who are those who are placed over the family to watch over and guide it and to whom the rest of the family must submit themselves and obey? Fathers.

Elders take over for the apostles, and in John 21:15-17, Christ gives the instructions to Peter, who represents all of the apostles here and what they are to do over the church, to "feed My sheep/lambs." Although the analogy here is one of the shepherd and sheep, it is important to note that this act of feeding both spiritually through the Word and physically through deacons is given to the apostles/elders to oversee in general. If combined with the familial understanding of the church, who is it in the family given the responsibility to feed the household? Fathers (the paternal role of shepherds over sheep even captures this idea without the familial context).

Likewise, who guards the household? Fathers.

The analogy of honoring given to elders and older women in 1 Tim 5 is important because it shows that they are in distinction from regular brothers and sisters, and are instead viewed as the parents of the household. Hence, they have obligations to their children and their children have obligations to them.

With that in mind, let's look at the commands concerning the father again. I'll repeat much of what I said before concerning one's father.

A summary of what follows if applied to spiritual fathers would be the following: The obligations the adult child has to a father seems to be total obedience, respect, financial commitment, and emulation in wisdom and moral conduct when the father lives a wise and moral life. A member of a church who undermines the authority of an elder, disrespects him, does not fear him, does not support him financially, and does not seek to emulate his wisdom and moral conduct when it is actually Christ's wisdom and moral conduct he gives has broken the commandment and is worthy of eternal death, both now and in the age to come.

The Ten Commandments of course command the following.

Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16).

The commandment indicates that the inheritance of the land of promise is contingent upon the child honoring the father and the mother. Paul reiterates this in Ephesians 6:1-3 when he says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life in the land," and in Colossians 3:20, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

The correct worship of God directly has to do with not worshiping other gods, making divine images, fearing God's name, honoring God's sovereignty through the Sabbath, and honoring/obeying one's father and mother. In fact, Leviticus 19:3-4 has the first table represented in a few of its commands (e.g., observe the Sabbath, no divine images), including the command that "Every man is to fear his mother and his father."

One worships God in whatever manner one treats his spiritual parents, particularly focusing in on the spiritual fathers here. He cannot claim to worship God better than he treats his spiritual fathers.

Jesus rebukes the Pharisees who think they can. They think they can treat their parents poorly but treat God well. They even contrast the two relationships by saying that they are giving to God by taking away their obligations to their parents. He confirms to them that they have set aside the commandment (and the reward with it I might add) by doing so. Notice the dialogue.

5 So the Pharisees and teachers of the law asked Jesus, “Why don’t your disciples live according to the tradition of the elders instead of eating their food with defiled hands?”
6 He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:
“‘These people honor me with their lips,
    but their hearts are far from me.7 They worship me in vain;
    their teachings are merely human rules.’
8 You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.”
9 And he continued, “You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe[c] your own traditions! 10 For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’[d] and, ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’[e] 11 But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is Corban (that is, devoted to God)— 12 then you no longer let them do anything for their father or mother. 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.”

Christ here says that they actually do this with many things, but note that this is what he decided to focus on because it contrasts true worship with false worship. They are concerned with externals like physical cleanliness rituals and tithing. Christ is concerned with actually worshiping God through the honor and treatment of parents. The Pharisees, being very devoted, religiously pious men, don't know God and it evidences itself through their treatment of their father and mother.

Now, let's look at some texts that talk about a grown child's commitments to their parents.

If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.

Notice here that this is not a five-year-old kid. He is a drunkard and a glutton. He also lives somewhere else. Note that it says that they are to bring this son to the elders of "his," not "their" town. So he lives in another town. He is still obligated to take care of them and obey them and yet refuses to do so. God says that he is to be violently executed by all of the men of his own town. He is not to inherit the land any longer. He is cut off from it. This is to purge the evil from among them, a phrase quoted by Paul when speaking of excommunication, and to cause other covenant members to be afraid to do the same thing lest they also lose their inheritance. This same things can be applied to fathers in the church and the church as Christ's family. Hence, not obeying the elders, not contributing to their financial well-being as honor, not speaking well of them, etc. is worthy of death.

Christ reaffirms the command in Matthew 15:4, a parallel to the Markan passage above, by noting not only the original command but the subsequent understanding that if one speaks poorly of his father or mother he is to be put to death. The word kakologion means one who insults or speaks bad about one's father or mother. Christ is alluding to the LXX of Leviticus 20:9 here that expands the original command concerning cursing father and mother and makes it even a lesser speech of just speaking bad about them. Nothing is said of whether the things spoken are true or not. It is the fact that the adult child (the Pharisees being spoken to here are all adults, and mostly much older adults) who is commanded to honor his father and mother is dishonoring one or both of them by speaking about their parents in ways that would cause others to think less of them. In Proverbs 20:20, the one who does this has his lamp go out, metaphorically meaning that he will lose the ability to see what is true and be blinded to what is right and good.

Proverbs 23:22 commands, "Obey your father who begot you, and do not reject your mother when she is old."

Hence, in Proverbs 6:20 (also 1:8-10; 15:20), the command is given to the adult son to "keep your father's commandment, and do not abandon your mother's instruction." The two are in parallel because they are viewed as one and the same.

In Deuteronomy, the actual covenant promises that are made by the people who are stating they wish to be in God's covenant include the declaration, "Cursed is anyone who dishonors father or mother." All the people are to shout, Amen!

Proverbs agrees and says that "the eye that mocks a father and refuses to obey a mother will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures."

The eye represents one's thinking about his father and mother. Again, his eye, his ability to see, is cursed.

In fact, the entire Book of Proverbs demands that the adult son obey his father's instructions and listens to his advise or he is branded a fool and wicked (Prov 4:1; 13:1).

Notice that the wise son in Proverbs 13:1 obeys his father's instructions but the scoffer does not listen to rebuke. In other words, the wicked and foolish son rolls his eyes at his father in contrast to the wise son who harkens to his fathers instructions.

All fathers, spiritual or biological, are sinners, so one could easily excuse himself from obeying the command here by saying that his father doesn't deserve honor, but God doesn't position authority over us and then allow us to judge them as unworthy of that honor. God is the judge of those things, and in the church He judges them by other fathers so that the children never stand over the fathers in judgment. We are to honor and obey a father in the Lord who, like any authority, is exercising an authority on God's behalf and to the glory of God. Excuses are the roadways of the damned, or as Proverbs puts it, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof is the pathway of death" (Prov 14:12).

This is a night and day difference between the way the rebellious modern church views church authority. It sees it as optional. It can disagree with it as it pleases. It can disobey, disregard, and disrespect it because we are an egalitarian bunch even when claiming to be otherwise. There are not fathers in egalitarianism. There are only members of equal status that belong to the same mutual club. Deacons are not household servants, even though that's what the word means. They are all the same as elders. Members are all equal in authority and have individual autonomy they can choose to exercise in any given matter. Fathers don't exist in the church except over their literal families, but God's church is directly fathered by God alone without mediation (very religiously Enlightenment-oriented rather than biblical). But biblically, God places fathers over His people and always has. Elisha calls Elijah his father in 2 Kings 2:12. King Jehoash in return calls Elisha his father in 2 Kings 13:14. Spiritual leaders are fathers because they mediate the fatherhood of God over His people. Hence, from biological families to governments to the spiritual family of God, He places fathers as representatives so that no one can claim to honor, obey, and speak well of God without doing the same to His patriarchal ambassadors. 

The Church Is a Family

Let me get the stupid objection out of the way. Yes, the church is not just a family. I get it. However, it is primarily a family, and that emphasis is incredibly important and transforming.

One of the things I think I've identified as a deficiency in the evangelical church at large (including Reformed churches) is an understanding of biblical ecclesiology and how this influences one's understanding of ethical obligations one has to the church.

If the church is a business, then my obligations are that of my obligations to a business (financial, external work-oriented). If the church is a therapy session then my obligations are emontional (making sure everyone feels valued and heard). If the church is a school, then my obligations are educational (learning the correct theological box-checking). But if the church is a family, then my obligations are those that belong to family, which would include much of the above but far, far more.

In fact, if it is a family, a household, then the obligations are to other people rather than to myself, as many of the above views of church tend to be individualistic and self-centered. Getting my emotional support, my contribution toward the business, my furthering education and knowledge, etc. is a selfish outlook. Family, however, looks to the church as having a goal as a group for the group. 

The church as a household, a family, to which I belong, changes my obligations from self to the group and the individuals of that group. It has a balance between the community and individuals thereof that the others do not. Let me give some examples.

As a pastor, I have witnessed the other models applied to pastors when these pastors no longer fulfill the function of the leader of these groups. In the business model, he can no longer do his job so he loses it and is on his own. This often has led to pastors being abandoned in their old age or illnesses. It's logical. He can't do his job, his position is a job, and therefore, one who can't do his job needs to be let go. It's just good business. Horrible ethics, but good business, and everyone goes along with it because they've been taught the logic of their ecclesiology by the way we treat the church as a business. We hire pastors as employees, so we fire them as employees. BTW, the business model is essentially the club model of church.

In the therapy model, if a pastor isn't good psychologist, he's not as qualified. He has to be a Mr. Rogers figure who is in step with the feelings of the congregation. Although most pastors I know would not categorize their churches this way, I would say that most of them fall into this category. This is the church that cares a lot about how people feel, and how words are spoken in a way that caters to how it will land on people emotionally. They are churches that evaluate to what the congregation responds positively and leans into that. This is the tickling of the ears that Paul talks about. It is to be concerned about the emotional response, how the pastor makes them feel, that truly matters. This doesn't mean that doctrine or the Bible isn't taught. It's just all taught with people's personal emotional responses in mind.

In the school model, their is an emphasis on checking the right theological boxes. Calvinist? Check. No women pastors? Check. Trinitarian? Check. This model tends to emphasize teaching as confessionalism and often confuses that with transformation. This is often seen in a disconnect in these churches between theology and ethical wisdom. One can usually see this clearly in the distinction between what is taught in the pulpit in theory and what one sees a pastor say in counseling or in private when giving advice for living. Wisdom is optional when picking a pastor because the emphasis is on whether he believes the right things and the wisdom is just a nice bonus if it exists at all. If not, it doesn't matter because the church is a school and he has the right curriculum by having the right fill-in-the-blank answers when it comes to theoretical theology.

In the family model, however, a church looks to its pastors as fathers, its older women as mothers, and one another as brothers and sisters. When is the last time you saw a good family fire their father? Why would anyone select a father of a family if he wasn't wise just because he had the right answers on a multiple-choice theology test? What father do you know cares so much about how his children feel that he doesn't say things that need to be said so that his children become what they need to become in the world? 

In the business or club model, fellow Christians are just connected to you because they work for the same institution. They're fellow employees as they seek to promote the club and they work to increase its appeal to the consumers. If someone in that group can no longer work to make the club/business more appealing, they are seen as a liability. The one who makes the club most appealing to the consumer is valued the most as a representative of the church. Hence, a hierarchy of value based on who can increase the finances, membership, and positive PR of the church is created by this model.

In the therapy session view, the people who are the most in-tuned to others emotions in order to endear others to the church and to themselves are the most valuable. The hierarchy of value here is created by viewing those who have the most relational equity as being the most valuable to the goals of the community. Those who don't have the gift of schmoozing, who aren't extraverted, are less valuable in the community, and even expendable. Churches like these feel the loss when these people might leave but feel little loss when those who are lesser valuable in this regard might be lost.

In the family model, everyone is your father, mother, brother or sister. You can't lose one without feeling a massive loss. All have such a high value that fathers aren't going to be left in the cold once they can't bring in the bacon. Mothers are going to be valued as one values his mother. Brothers and sisters are going to be valued equally as brothers and sisters. All are loved because family is not a group of individuals who are external to me. They are me. I cannot lose a limb without feeling the absolute loss of it. I would never cut one off unless it was filled with cancer and I absolutely had to. I value me, so I value everyone who is me. I may say that some parts of my body are more vital for the life of the body but I can't say that any member of my body lacks enough value for me to treat it as expendable. 

But we don't want to be pragmatic. Truth is truth. What model does Scripture teach? 

In 1 Tim 3:15 and Eph 2:19-20, the church is called the household of God. It's further descriptions of the church as a race, nation, etc. are all familial terms (probably not something understood by modern Western readers). We are called brothers and sisters everywhere throughout the NT. 

On top of these explicit teachings, however, is the central one that describes the church as the body of Christ, and therefore, that we, as members of Christ's body, are therefore members of one another. In other words, we are family, and I am my family and my family is me.

The business model, the therapy model, the school model, and any other model of the church that does not see the church as a family and act accordingly is ecclesiological heterodoxy. It isn't just a preference. The church isn't something Christians get to redefine because they like how a business runs better than a family. They like the way a school is run better than a family. They like therapy time better than family time. Christ gets to say what his church is and it is his family, his body, the household of God.

This will influence how fathers are chosen, how older women are treated, how fellow Christians are cared for. The obligations of family are more than the obligations of the others. There are financial obligations to the business model but far more to the family. God never commanded employees to honor their bosses or fellow employees in such a way so as to aid them financially. Yet, he does command that devotion to fathers and mothers. He doesn't command the emotional support of one's fellow academics in school but does command to comfort our sisters and brothers in prison, in sickness, in distress. He doesn't command to rebuke, correct, exhort and to train people we're just trying to endear to ourselves and connect to emotionally but he does command that it be done in the family of the church for the sake of building up the family in Christ. And all of these obligations within a family are done from love rather than some external duty to an institution or project that may lack the motivation of love. 

If the church was a family, no father would ever be put out to pasture to die in homelessness and poverty because he can no longer get his reports in by the end of the day. No one would choose pastors based on likeability but on their ability to lead their children in wisdom. No one would treat a fellow Christian with envy because whatever a Christian has received, I have received because they are me. No one would see their brothers and sisters as taking up their time because my time is their time. We would long to be with one another as family longs to be with one another. We would long to take care of one another as family takes care of one another. And they will know that you are His disciples, not by your ship-shape operations of a church service, not by your likeability as a vacuous emotional support, not by your theoretical theological box-checking, but by your love for one another. 

And that is why the church is a family because its Father is love.