Husbands, Love Your Wives

The primary explicit texts that address the husband's obligations to his wife are the same that address the household in general. Scholars refer to these texts as the Haustafel or household code. The Greek word used is often oikonomia, which refers to the order of a household or creation itself. Ephesians 5:25-33 is the largest one in the NT and the instructions to husbands consists of the largest portion of the code, which may indicate that the largest weight of responsibility falls upon the husband's obligations to his wife in the household.

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious—not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body, but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great—but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The husband must love his wife in the same manner that Christ loved the church. Since Christ loved the church by sacrificing himself for the church so that it might be made holy and blameless (the theme of Ephesians) the man is to work toward her sanctification by washing her in the message of the gospel. He does this not only by teaching her the Word but also by demonstrating the gospel of Christ to her through understanding and forgiveness.

Colossians 3:19 states, Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 

This also seems to refer to the idea that the love of the husband is displayed in his continual application of mercy and grace to her when she fails to submit to him, and yet continually calls her back to the holiness and blamelessness to which the gospel calls her.

This seems to be the same sentiment in 1 Peter 3:7: Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as the weaker vessels and show them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life. In this way nothing will hinder your prayers.

His rule over her is never to be physically abusive, which is why Peter references her physical strength as weaker than his. This brings about an ability to abuse his power and to dominate her through physical intimidation but this is not what Christ does to the church. Although he is able to scare us to death with his power, he shows us love and uses his power for our good. Likewise, the man is to remember that she is a daughter of God, who will inherit God's favor to the point of eternal life, and that God, as her Father, will take kindly to her being mistreated. He will hide his face, turn the man over to the devil, excommunicate, the man who abuses his wife rather than leading her in word and deed to a further love for and holiness in Christ. It is a given then that he is forbidden to command her to sin against Christ which would be contrary to his God-given authoritative role.

He is to love his wife as he loves himself, noting that he and his wife are one, and no one neglects to take care of himself but feeds and takes care of himself. Likewise, since a man is one flesh with his wife, he who loves her loves himself. The man who neglects to take care of him throws shame upon himself and distorts the Person of Christ to her, his children, and the world. Christ cares for His own body, the church, saving the church every day; and so the man should do the same with his wife.

In short, his obligation is to represent Christ accurately to her, and this places his obligation as the foundational one. His authority governs the entire family from his wife to this children, and yet, this authority is to be used for God's purposes of making the family holy and blameless, not for his own selfish needs. Hence, he sacrifices his own selfish needs to represent Christ both in directing through the Word and in his grace and mercy when they fail to attain to that holiness and blamelessness by calling them to repentance and applying the cross of Christ to them. In this way, the husband's role is to be the means through which the man worships Christ through his family.