Feminist Complementarians

One of the problems that plague Christian families and churches is that Christians can hold to a theory without applying that theory to practice. The theory of what God commands is acknowledged, but there is a snake in our ear telling us how good the fruit that contradicts the command tastes.

It's likely due to our fallen nature that we can easily learn and profess an idea, but have great difficulty applying that idea in order to produce an obedience to the truth. What does not help is the fact that many people think that if they profess an idea they somehow have obeyed the idea. As long as one says, "I believe such and such," then we label them as being in this category or that. For instance, if one labels himself as a Calvinist, we all assume that he belongs to a particular group whether he is consistent with his idea of church and evangelism or not. There are many Calvinists, however, who claim that title, but have very Arminian looking ideas about church and evangelism. In this case, the label is only true of a theoretical belief and not a practiced one. This is certainly the case in terms of gender roles as well.

We somehow have the idea that if a couple has the theory of complementarianism in place that the couple will actually function off of that idea; but this couldn't be further from what often happens. Because there is an assumption that we must be good in that area because we affirm that men and women have different roles, and that women are to submit to the men in authority over them, what often happens is that one carries the label of being complementarian while actually living a lifestyle that is not only egalitarian, but even matriarchal.

The woman becomes the mother over the man. She becomes his judge as an authority over him, and if he does not do what she wishes, she will punish him in some way. This authority is not a stated one, but rather implied via manipulation. The punishment takes place in the form of breaking the relationship in some way, usually because the woman is mad that the man did not submit to her will. She will become very upset, shun the man, i.e., deny the relationship in some way to him, until he yields to her.

This all too common occurrence means that these families/churches are actually outside the will of God who will only lead the family according to the creational order He set in place, i.e., through the man. The woman is in a submissive advisory role. If her advice is not taken, she submits herself to God and her husband/elders with the belief that God leads her, not directly, but through them. To believe that God leads her directly is egalitarianism, and often even matriarchalism, but it is not complementarianism.

Even complementarianism in the West largely looks egalitarian, since Christians often contrast their more conservative take on family and church with the Western world's matriarchal ideas, but fail to apply a consistent obedience to those institutions.

If we believe, however, that God directs through the man in family and church alike, then the obedient woman will not only affirm the theory, but she will advise but not argue, yield and not punish, submit and not politic via slander and gossip in order to gather her mini-army so that more pressure can be put on the man to submit to her will/opinion, which is something that happens in both family and church quite often.

Our culture likes to believe that the devil works against authority by corrupting the authority, and this is true of wicked authorities, but he often works against authority through those who are to submit to it. There has been many an authority trying to do the right thing that has been blocked or ignored by those who have been divinely subjected to it. It is the ignoring of the command in practice that caused the world to fall in the first place. If this is true, then Satan's mode of conquering people will be to get them to ignore the authority structures set in place to protect them. Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter, and scattered sheep are the ones most easily devoured by the wolves.

The toppling of this authority in practice, then, is purposed to destroy everyone involved. The man will not fufill his role as the image by becoming a father, and the woman will not fulfill her role as the image of God by becoming a mother. She is left as the protector of the household, and she is not given the strength to do it, especially when in rebellion against God's design. With the guard removed, the treasure can be plundered to the ruin of all.

Men who are obedient will not allow this inconsistency to take place without rebuke. After all, we are the ones responsible for the garden. Eve might want to eat the fruit and be really fuming if Adam doesn't yield to her, but we understand that God has given him the direct command as the authority over her, and that, frankly, as is often the case, she may have a snake in her ear.