Marriage and Divorce in the New Testament, Part IX: The Contrary Nature of Divorce to Forgiveness

It is no mere coincidence that Matthew places Christ's teaching about divorce in Chapter 19 immediately after His teaching concerning forgiveness/restoration in Chapter 18. Of course, the chapter divisions are not originally there, so the one flows even more smoothly into the other. This likely means that he wants to place the subject of divorce and remarriage in the light of Christ's teaching concerning living out the law of love and forgiveness.

Some understanding of the nature of forgiveness is necessary to understand its contrary nature to divorce and the marrying of another.

The forgiveness to which Christians are called is to mimic the forgiveness they have received from God. This is why Christ links their forgiving one another to God's forgiveness of them.

There is a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to forgiveness in our culture, but the essential idea in Matthew, as well as the rest of the New Testament, is that the offense is mercifully removed so that there is no penalty in one's relationship with another. If there is a penalty that remains, especially the breaking of the relationship, then forgiveness, as God forgives, has not been granted.

Forgiveness itself, then, is a restoration of the relationship that was broken by the offense. As God forgives us, He does not break the relationship and still argue that He forgives us. These are contrary to one another, as the offense that causes one to penalize the offender by breaking the relationship would remain.

As one can see, this has little to do with how the two parties feel about one another, and everything to do with their actions toward one another in terms of their relationship. Breaking the relationship because of an offense, but then saying that one has no hard feelings on the matter, is to remain in a state of unforgiveness, and to be guilty of the same crime of which the unforgiving servant is guilty in the parable that illustrates Christ's teaching on the subject.

God forgives and forgets. God does not hold any sins against us by turning away or breaking His relationship with us. God restores us to our relationship with Him as though the offense was never committed. This is because the offense has been fully rectified by Jesus Christ, our federal head, upon the cross. The sin has been paid for. Hence, forgiveness/restoration is possible, as justice has been served.

But the one who will not reconcile refuses to forgive, regardless of the vocabulary they choose to employ. If the exact relationship is not restored, then the offender has not been forgiven, as he or she is paying for the crime by suffering the loss of the relationship. If one is paying for the offense, then the one offended, requiring payment be made, is rejecting the sufficiency of Christ's payment, and even ignoring it. To not restore a believer to the same relationship one had with him or her before the offense is to deny the gospel and reject the sacrifice of Christ as a full payment for the sins of all believers.

The implications this has for the divorce and remarriage question, specifically here for two believers, is that if one or both spouses refuse to reconcile, they are denying the gospel and are rejecting Christ. This is why Christ continually warns in Matthew, and again at the end of the parable: "And in anger his lord turned him over to the prison guards to torture him until he repaid all he owed. So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if each of you does not forgive your  brother  from your heart.” This echoes the previous statement that Matthew alone highlights after the Lord's Prayer in Chapter 6, “For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins." (vv. 14-15).

The reason for this is due to the fact that if one rejects the sufficiency of Christ's payment for the sins of another, he or she is rejecting Christ's sufficiency for payment for his or her own sin. It is a denial of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and only the gospel can restore one to God--a gospel that has now been rejected when dealing with others.

Hence, whether a Christian restores his or her relationship with another Christian is not an option. If he or she does not, he or she is rejecting the gospel and must be rebuked and placed under discipline for such a serious blasphemy against Christ and His work.

To know that Christ has paid for the offense of a spouse, regardless of what that offense might be, and that Christ has fully paid for that offense, and yet, still want a pound of flesh by breaking the relationship with him or her is to spit on Christ upon the cross. Such things should never been done, especially by a Christian claiming to love Christ.

What this means is that Matthew would not be arguing that it is ever acceptable for two Christians to divorce and marry another. It is completely contrary to the Christian message concerning the gospel itself. Those who preach and teach that it is acceptable are preaching and teaching against the gospel of Christ. Those confessions that allow for it are confessions of antichrist in that they reject Christ and His work as applied to this issue.

Hence, a divorce and/or remarriage only ever takes place when one or both of the parties is in the sin of apostasy. The fact that the modern church has tolerated such a thing, and even allowed for it is a testimony to its treason against the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

The Christian restores totally, especially his or her relationship with his or her spouse, because Christ has restored him or her totally. 

If one is asking the question as to whether it is ever acceptable for two Christians to divorce, one can find the answer in the New Testament's teaching concerning forgiveness before anyone ever gets to the divorce passages, and that answer is unequivocally, "No."

The one who does not take care of his family financially is said to be worse than an unbeliever. How much more one who completely abandons them because he rejects Christ's work on the cross as a full payment for crimes committed by his spouse?

However, this Matthew only deals with two believers here, as Christ's sacrifice does not cover unbelievers, so their sins are still on them. How one should deal with unbelieving spouses is not addressed specifically by the Lord, as Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7, which is why Paul addresses it there. We'll discuss that in another post, but next time I wish to pursue this further by looking at the Pauline teaching that Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church.